The profile photo shows a handsome soldier in uniform, and the messages are kind and thoughtful. But are you really chatting with a military member? Here’s the reality: Scammers are posing as military members to prey on our respect for those who serve, and these heartbreaking schemes are more common than you might think. Luckily, experts say you can protect yourself from military romance scams by knowing the warning signs. Below you’ll find must-know information about the common red flags and what to do if you or a loved one has been targeted.
What is a military romance scam?
In this variation of a romance scam, bad actors pose as active-duty military members to instill trust in their victims. The ultimate goal for the fraudster is to obtain money, personal information or banking credentials to use for their own gain.
Though the objective matches that of other romance scams, this particular scheme stands out for one concerning reason: It is meant to tug on the heartstrings of those who support the military.
“Unfortunately, military romance scams are more common than most people realize,” says Matthew Stern, CEO at CNC Intelligence. “Scammers take advantage of the distance and unavailability that a military deployment would cause, to use it as a cover story, which helps them explain why they are not available, and allows for last-minute changes and being unreachable, which they can blame on being sent to areas without coverage. The other aspect is they know that many people are attracted to members of the armed forces, which these criminals exploit.”
It’s easy to see why someone may believe they have formed a relationship with a deployed member of the military and not realize they are simply being exploited. The end result can be devastating.
How military romance scams work
Military romance scams begin online, commonly through dating apps or social media, with the scammer taking steps to craft a convincing persona. They will typically use photos from real soldiers to look legitimate in their profile. The next step? Finding someone to target.
Once they’ve singled out a victim—often someone who is vulnerable, lonely or hoping to help them–the fraudsters will tread carefully to not reveal their true intentions too early.
“The most insidious scammers don’t ask for money right away,” says Truman Kain, security researcher at the cybersecurity firm Huntress. “They invest time in their victims, sometimes talking daily for months before making a financial request.” In some cases, these “relationships” can last years before victims realize they’ve been manipulated.
By the time the scammer mentions a crisis or a need for money, real feelings have already developed, adds Kain. This sense of loyalty prompts the victim to feel obligated to help, and often repeatedly. It’s not uncommon for people caught up in military romance scams to frequently send money to their alleged military partner.
That means the bad actors rarely have a reason to end these relationships until the financial benefits end. Once they’ve been cut off at the source, they will cease communication and move onto another target, leaving the victim heartbroken and often in debt.
Warning signs you’re talking to a scammer
When a scammer reaches out to you, it may not always be obvious that they’re not the soldier or military member depicted in their profile. Technology also makes it more difficult than ever to spot that you’re talking to a fraudster.
A refusal to video chat with you can be a red flag, but experts warn that a video call with the person does not automatically prove they are a real human being. Sadly, scammers are able to use deepfake technology and voice cloning to appear as a legitimate military member. For that reason, it’s recommended to use other avenues to confirm the person’s identity.
“Check their online footprint,” suggests Kain. “Most real people will have some online history and various forms of social media.”
Also important to note: Every U.S. service member has an official email. In a Reddit thread last year about someone’s mom being involved in a possible military romance scam, a clever user had this suggestion.
“Every U.S. serviceman has a .MIL email address, and only U.S. servicemen and Defense Department civilians/contractors can have them,” the commenter shared. “Tell him (don’t ask him) to give you his .MIL email address, and email him at that address. If he says he can’t for ANY reason, you’ll know it’s a scammer.”
The biggest red flag that indicates you’ve been targeted by a bad actor? Requests for money, especially via wire or cryptocurrency. “If they request money to be sent via wires, often the name and location of the beneficiary will not match the persona they are using,” says Stern.
Above all, trust your gut! Inconsistencies in the person’s stories and quick emotional escalation are common indications that this “romance” isn’t quite what it seems.
What to do if you’ve been targeted by a military romance scam
When you or a loved one is caught up in a military romance scam, it can seem impossible to recover. But know that it’s not too late!
Experts say the first step is to immediately cut off all contact and the financial support.
“If any payments, such as wires, are still in progress, see if you can stop them,” explains Stern. “Then document everything and share your situation with both loved ones and law enforcement. It is recommended to report the crime both to your local law enforcement and IC3.gov.”
It’s also helpful to warn others–either publicly or privately–about what happened. Spreading awareness, as Kain points out, can help prevent future victims.
But there’s another reason you’ll want to open up to others about your situation.
“Often romance scammers will isolate their victims from their loved ones, so it’s important that victims are able to reconnect with their loved ones, so they can start the healing process and have people who truly care about them by their side at a difficult time,” says Stern.
Know that when you’ve been a victim in a military romance scam, you don’t have to go it alone. Seeking support will give you the tools you need to bounce back.
