Online dating is more and more popular these days. Not only is it convenient, but it also offers more available singles than, say, your local coffee shop. While it does make meeting new people quite easy, these platforms also give way to more scammers. And with fake profiles, excessive flattery, or someone asking you for emergency money, it’s all too easy to fall into the trap. Luckily, we turned to the experts to share all you need to know about common catfishing romance scams and how to keep yourself safe.
What is catfishing and why is it so common in online dating?
Though catfishing isn’t a new concept, it’s certainly rampant in the era of online dating and social media. When you’re talking to someone online and something seems a little off, you may be dealing with a catfish. “Catfishing used to simply refer to people who deceive others into going on a date with them by presenting themselves in a false and favorable way,” says Betsy Chung, PsyD, clinical psychologist and relationship expert at RAW dating app. “Nowadays, you see people using catfishing to gratify their own sexual desires, meet their emotional needs for a long-term relationship, have an extra-marital affair as retaliation to hurt the victim or even try for financial gain.”
One man lost $35K to a catfish posing as a beauty queen
Recently, a Belgian man made headlines after traveling over 400 miles to meet Sophie Vouzelaud, a French model, after they had been exchanging correspondence and cultivating a romantic relationship—only the person he was communicating with wasn’t Sophie at all. The man, Michel, had been talking with who he thought was the runner-up to Miss France in 2007 for weeks—even providing the scammer with $35,000. When he arrived at Sophie’s home, he was met by her husband, who broke the news to him. Though unfortunate, situations like these are all too common, and though this individual fell into the scammer’s trap, the signs pointed toward a fishy situation. Here, a look at some of the red flags to look out for.
Red flags that may mean you’re talking to a romance scammer
If it feels like the person you’re talking to has stepped out of a fairytale or a dream, it’s probably too good to be true. “Scammers will shower you with flattery, doing everything they can to get on your good side so you feel special and trust them quickly,” says Brooke Keels, PhD, LPC-MHSP, Chief Clinical Officer and LPC-Supervisor at Lighthouse Recovery. “They might make big promises or say things like, ‘I’ve never felt this way about anyone before,’ even if you haven’t known each other that long.”
Chung adds that if you’re having trouble finding the “human” side to somebody, it’s likely that you’re talking to just “parts” of somebody and not the whole person. Here, some easy-to-spot signs you may be talking to a catfish:
- You’ve been talking to this person for a while, and you still haven’t spoken to them face-to-face (whether via video or in-person). Regardless of the excuses they might give for avoiding a video call, whether it be a broken camera or poor connection, this should be cause for suspicion.
- Their stories don’t seem to add up. Though your judgement might be clouded by the promises they make or the flattering words they use, it’s crucial to take a step back and think logically about the big picture.
- They’re always making excuses for things or why they can’t meet. Would you pursue a relationship with someone if you had no intention of ever meeting them in person?
- You divulge a lot more about yourself than they to you. Keeping their story vague allows them to keep up their charade more easily.
- You can’t seem to find any information/profiles about them on the internet. While yes, some people prefer to live life offline, this person should have at least some online trace you can use as a reference.
The most common catfishing scams, according to experts
Thanks to technology, catfishing scams have changed over time. Still, some common ones include international or military romance scams, Sugar Daddy scams, or someone claiming to be an old connection from high school, explains Terri Orbuch, PhD, relationship expert at DatingAdvice.com.
Orbuch says the catfisher may search for someone’s photo online or come across their information and reach out, claiming that the person is amazing before even meeting. “Another version of this is if the perpetrator starts by complimenting someone’s profile before asking for money to help with a sick child or family member,” she says.
Military romance scam
One of the most common catfishing romance scams is military romance. “In this one, the scammer creates a fake profile using pictures of a good-looking person in a military uniform and pretends to be stationed overseas,” says Keels. “They use the fact that they’re ‘in the military’ to play on people’s emotions, saying things like communication is hard because of their job or location, making it easier to trick their target into believing them.”
Rich crypto investor scam
Another common scam is the rich crypto investor. Keels says that in this case, the scammer acts like a successful cryptocurrency trader or investor, showing off a life of luxury and promising their target they’ll get rich, too. It won’t be long before they ask for money or personal info, claiming that they need it to invest or transfer funds.
The sugar daddy scam is similar as the person catfishing poses as a wealthy person who promises gifts or trips in exchange for affection. However, they manipulate people into giving them money or private information.
Celebrity scams
As stated earlier, if the situation seems too good to be true, there’s a chance it is. While in some instances these sorts of scams include romantic elements, scammers will pose as celebrities and attempt to form bonds with vulnerable, unsuspecting fans and proceed to ask for money for false charities, VIP access and more. These scammers scout out targets by spotting commenters on celebrities’ social media posts or followers of a specific star.
How to avoid romantic scams
According to Orbuch, the best way to avoid getting scammed romantically is to listen to your gut and go slowly. It’s also important to research the person you’re talking to by checking their online presence, looking into their photos, and spotting any inconsistent or inaccurate information. She also says not to be afraid to ask questions, as it’s reasonable to want to know more about the person you’re trying to connect with.
Another way to avoid a catfish is to video call as much as you can. “Scammers will often make excuses to avoid showing their face, but if they’re the real deal, they’ll want to connect in a more personal way,” says Keels. “If they’re always dodging video chats or giving weird reasons for not being able to, that’s a huge red flag, and a genuine person will be excited to share that face-to-face connection, even if it’s through a screen.”
